Saturday, July 2, 2011

Welcome: A Sincere Letter

Dear reader who is hopefully an editor for The Onion,

My name is Amanda. Once upon a time earlier today, I was reading an article on The Onion. I thought to myself that it would be really cool to write for The Onion. So I researched the only way I know how: I Googled "How to get a job at The Onion." What I found was an article on arj.org with some disheartening news. Apparently the answer to "How do you get a job at The Onion?" is:


"You don't, any more than you get a job with your favorite band."

But I've never been one to give up. I've never been one to back down. I get my ass kicked in every fight I've ever been in because I don't know when to quit. Plus, did Obama give up running for president when they said he was too young? Did JFK give up on sending a man to the moon? Did Jimi Hendrix give up when he heard the sweet, sweet melodies of Santana and thought the could never be that great? NO. He picked up that guitar and strummed away into the night. Those great men didn't give up. And neither will I.

So what you will find on this blog is my own attempt at being like you fine people, writing fine (Pulitzer worthy!) news.
I’m completely serious. Please hire me.


Love,
Amanda